A Part of My Heart went with Her

"LOVE" ....
There is no other word that better encompasses the 84 years spent on this earth by my grandmother Betty Jo (Stephens) Odell. She moved in love like it was a dance she had always known. She spoke with such warmth in her tone when she would recall her childhood. Though by all other accounts a very rough one, growing up in a one room home with her siblings. She spoke of the warmth of love they shared. How she loved her own mama and her "daddy" as she affectionately called him.

Oh, how I adored her stories of home as a child and I shared her love of "Little House on the Prairie" as  a young girl. She always said it reminded her of home.

She showed me how to love. Oh, how she loved my Grandpa. They shared 62 years together as she proudly recalled even as she was sick in the hospital her last days. Their love for each other clearly still evident in the way he spoke to her and looked at her. Grandma always told me love was not always easy but so worth the fight.

Her boys were her heart! She wore them like a proud badge of joy! She was so very proud of their relationship with each other and how much they cared for one another. She was so proud of all they had accomplished. I could see her memories as she watched my boys play together as she would always revert back to when hers were little. Her words of wisdom, "Honey, you just rock those babies. All the chores can wait."

She adored all her grandchildren and great grandchildren. As she would always give me a new number after another was added by either marriage or birth. Her cup was overflowing.

She was the picture of country hospitality. It was never uncommon that friends and neighbors would stop by at all hours of the day or night to visit. She would always usher them in for a cup of coffee or glass of tea and conversation. Oh, how she loved to talk. But not just surface talk, she loved to get right to your heart. Empathy was second nature to her. She hurt with those who hurt and rejoiced with those who rejoiced.

Anyone who knew my grandmother, knew exactly where she learned to love. The name of Jesus moved across her lips as easily as the oxygen she breathed. She loved Him passionately and intimately. My very favorite moments spent with her were setting with her on her back patio early in the morning while she read her Bible. We would talk about how sweet Jesus is and how much He loves us. She taught me the beauty of being still before Him and listening to His voice.

Its through her guidance I observed how to savor the moments of life. Moments like sunrises, the sound of crickets in the morning and locusts at night, and a good cup of coffee! And how to express gratitude to our Lord for those sweet, simple pleasures that ultimately are everything.

But her greatest joy was speaking of Heaven and meeting her Savior. Her last days on earth were spent sharing Jesus love. She told me from her hospital bed that she'd been telling everyone she would meet about Jesus. She said, "Maybe that's why I'm here..." Grandma that is exactly why you were here. Here on earth, to be His vessel of love. His artist.

She painted the most beautiful tapestry of love and life into every heart she touched.

I had the great privilege to be a part of the miracle of her life for 35 years. I am who I am because she allowed the Love of Jesus to change her and flow like a rushing river through her. I sang hymns to her during her last days, my great honor to sing her home!

But when she went, I did not realize a piece of my heart would go with her! Guard that piece until we meet again Grandma!


"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

Pride and Perfection

Disclaimer: This one is going to sting like hell....

Growing up as a "Christian" has always been a joy of mine! I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 10. I learned very early how to walk with Him. However...I also learned very early how to efficiently judge others without considering myself "judgemental"! I also learned how to feed my pride without being "prideful"! And how to behave "perfectly" so I would receive the approval of others, without "striving to please others!"

I place the blame on no one other than the Enemy. He would lead me to believe that "Perfection" is attainable. That I was such a good "Christian" that I was beyond sin's grasp.... All a LIE!
NO ONE is BEYOND the Grasp of Sin.... Because... NEWS FLASH! WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS that Christ had to die for!!!

I  am reminded of the story of the rich young ruler. You remember the story? He came to Jesus asking what he must do to have eternal life? He called Jesus, "Good teacher". To which Jesus asked "Why do you call me good?" "No one is good except God alone."  (NEWS FLASH.... If Jesus said this about Himself how much more should we understand we are not "good" only God in us is
"good.")

Jesus replied to him that he must know all the commandments and must follow them. The ruler was quick to answer.. "All these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus then said he lacked one thing. He told him to go sell everything he had and follow him.  The guy couldn't do it!

I used to think, man what a bummer this guy gave it all up for his stuff... tisk, tisk! Then it struck me, it wasn't necessarily his stuff..... It was his pride!!!

Jesus told him he was not good enough on his own.. And the ruler could not take it!    I mean this guy had all his crap together... Of course he should have qualified as a "Christian" with a sterling reputation. He followed all the rules, he probably only hung out with "Christian" friends, I'm sure he attended every Bible Study available, he used all the "Christian" words.  He did everything right. But PRIDE would keep him from attaining all the Father had for him. He couldn't even see it!

It's me! It's a SMACK right in the face. The PRIDE must FALL!! And He will bring us all to a place out of His great LOVE for us that it finally will! I can promise you one thing. When it happens it will sting like HELL! Like an open wound that alcohol is poured over to disinfect.

But the disinfection has to happen. And the most beautiful part is that Christ wants our entire heart. Not just the pretty sparkly parts we hold out for others to see, but the dark parts that make us grimace when faced with the light. The parts that hurt when pushed on. The parts we want NO ONE to see! He already sees it all. He's just waiting for each of us to willingly hold up our hearts to Him!


When we do, when we bring those dark, ugly parts to the light. The ENEMY LOSES!!! Because we are already victorious!!! 


"Pride brings a person low, but the lowly gain honor." Proverbs 29:23

The Fluidity of Grace

Grace

I've always had a bit of a struggle with the actual definition of grace. I used to think of forgiveness and grace as the same. The most recent definition I came across for grace was: the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

So grace is really more than just the forgiveness of our sins but the continual favor. That favor manifests into salvation  and abundant blessings the Father lavishes us on despite our sin. And grace for me is a continual process. I have to live in it daily. Each day comes with reminders of how unworthy of it all I am...

I am continually dancing between lifting others up and letting them down. Sometimes the harder I try the more inadequate I feel. The friend who needs me the most, is met with silence. The lessons I should focus on with my children get overlooked for the convenience of moving life along at a faster pace. The words I think for good often do not get said. While the words that should remain under lock and key fly freely from my lips.

I accept the grace of the Father, but I am so slow to offer that same grace. I can completely understand when Paul declares, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me frome this body subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans7:24-25

The beauty of the love of the Father is that His grace is not conditional on my behavior. I still have trouble understanding. His favor and blessings over me are not conditional on my right or wrong decisions. I am covered by the blood of His son that continually washes over me!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

So I'm still learning how to love and offer grace to all those the Father places in my path! And, I pray that those who must deal with my often slow learning will be able to do the same!

Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscope

I hadn't thought of that word since I was a child. Children today would be completely bored out of their minds with a toy that kept me entertained when I was little for longer than I probably should admit. I loved seeing the twirling colors move in and out like synchronized swimmers at my fingertips. I'm sure my son would look at me like I was crazy if I suggested this over playing a game on my phone!

Recently, God showed me how my life is like a kaleidoscope; ever fluid, ever changing. All with just a twist here and there. We often move one direction then the next. For the longest time I have been so concerned about finding my one singular purpose! I would get anxious when I would feel drawn to a particular ministry, career, hobby, etc. I knew I heard God clearly so I would try to figure out how I would give up what I had in order to follow a new singular passion.

For example, before my first son was born I was just so distraught that my calling was now a mother and I did not need to work. I needed to follow my divine purpose. But God has met me with so much grace. Grace that my life can be fragmented, departmentalized, and yet so fluid and beautiful. So much grace for my heart to understand that He is the author of our Freedom not our own mental strongholds that keep us captive. He allows me to do everything with passion!

I was held back from dancing in the fluid motion of my life by thinking I had to live in a neat and tidy box. I had to define myself as a "wife", "mother", "pharmaceutical sales rep", "author", "minister"! But I am not any single one of those titles. I am all of them, dancing in beautiful fluidity of amazing color! I am a child of my Father! And everything He has given me to do and become is for His glory and for the JOY of both!

Let's not get so focused on where we are going that we miss the beautiful show that is our life!

"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31 NKJV

"You Should Start a Blog"

A friend of mine suggested I start a blog since I'm a "Writer & have so much to teach!" I chuckle because I think she might have really meant, "Writing a blog might be a good outlet for you instead of feeling the need to spill everything you are learning in life with everyone you meet!" I think my husband would easily agree!

I have never really imagined myself as a writer. I'm more of a talker, I picked up that genetic trait from my father, I'm certain. But I do love to communicate. I did however, publish my first book almost a year ago now. I still have trouble saying I'm an author. I really thought of it as a calling to get a message out instead of a life long endeavor.

Well, I thoughtfully told my friend, I would pray about the blog thing! So last night as I'm in the midst of my prayers I start asking for what I should call my blog. The answer came as a soft whisper. One single word "Beloved." I had to ask for clarification because I was sure that was not how I wanted to "Brand" myself. It sounded a bit snobbish to say the least. However, I was quickly met with, "It's not all about you my dear, it's what I give you for them. The love that this world is so desperately searching for is bursting inside of you for them."

So it is with that calling I start this journey. I promise to share with you the love the Father lavishes out so we can all experience it together. I hope you will find this a place of comfort and hope. I hope you will laugh and cry with me as we journey through our days on earth.  Because you are dearly loved!